Airport Screening Results

 
January Statistics on Airport Screening (Department of Homeland Security)
 
Terrorists Discovered       0
Transvestites               133
Hernias                    1,485
Hemorrhoid Cases    3,172
Enlarged Prostates   8,249
Breast Implants       59,350
Natural Blondes               3

Scans also revealed that 535 members of Congress had no balls.